raisetheearth | [Video]

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[Video]

[Here's a familiar face, to those who have been Numbered for awhile and perhaps even those who haven't.]

Why hello. I've missed your lovely faces.

A lot of you know me already, but I'm Lazarus Lawliet. The real one. That's me.

I'm looking to compile a useful database of relevant information on all of us, something that we can share freely and without outmoded hangups or hesitation. Let's be progressive about it.

If you send me your name, a photograph or other still image from the front and the side, your age, your profession, and your credit card information, I'll repay you by writing you a personalized piece of short fiction, starring you, in the wildly popular theme of dinosaur erotica. You pick the dinosaur, and I'll make the magic happen without shame or fear.

Your dark desires are very interesting to me. Especially yours, C.S. You know who you are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Try to train a wolf to guard sheep, eventually he will go after the flock.

It's too bad you missed an entertaining show, locked away as it was. It was only a matter of time.

Oh, I like that.

Do tell? What sheep did he snap at?

The noisy blonde. Of course I can't say I wouldn't have gotten rid of her a long time ago, myself.

Edited 2015-08-29 19:37 (UTC)

I'd absolutely tap that, but I'd probably have her wear a ball gag.

To be fair, you aren't known for having discerning taste.

Everyone has standards. And mine are definitely higher than my pitiful excuse for an original.

I truly find that unlikely. Is breathing even a requirement for you?

Of course it isn't difficult to have a higher standard than "pathetic".

Edited 2015-08-29 22:46 (UTC)

Even when my mouth is full, I have my nose. Is that what you're asking?

[Sigh.]

I meant your partner.

Oh. That wasn't very clear. You should work on that.

I think you simply have comprehension issues. Did I hit you too hard?

Hitting me at all is hitting me too hard. Even a year of eating as much bacon as I can hold hasn't made his body look healthy.

You have been dealt an unfortunate hand. Have you considered sources of protein other than bacon and semen?

[Only this guy can manage to say something like that in a completely flat tone.]

Why would I do that?

A vain attempt at making up for your gross deficiencies, and rather disappointingly fragile frame.

It's sturdier than it looks, you know.

Not by much, or did you forget how easily I shattered you?

Mm, I've gained almost 30 pounds since then. Nearly up to 140 on a 5'10" frame. Mostly muscle.

Getting dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you can't play it however you'd like.

Are you trying to impress me?

[Because it's really not working. He could still break you in half like the twig that you are, Ryuzaki.]

Or is this an invitation to test how quickly I can fell you again?

Why? Are you impressed?

If you just want to beat me up, not so much. If you're looking for another way to test my endurance, though... well, maybe we could talk.

Please.

[You can hear that eyeroll, can't you?]

What have I told you about being vulgar?

If you want me to retain memories, you shouldn't hit me.

If you don't want me to hit you, retain the lessons I say before you force me to teach.

That's a ridiculous and illogical demand.

It isn't. You're simply lazy. Let's fix that, shall we?

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