raisetheearth | [Video]

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[Video]

[Here's a familiar face, to those who have been Numbered for awhile and perhaps even those who haven't.]

Why hello. I've missed your lovely faces.

A lot of you know me already, but I'm Lazarus Lawliet. The real one. That's me.

I'm looking to compile a useful database of relevant information on all of us, something that we can share freely and without outmoded hangups or hesitation. Let's be progressive about it.

If you send me your name, a photograph or other still image from the front and the side, your age, your profession, and your credit card information, I'll repay you by writing you a personalized piece of short fiction, starring you, in the wildly popular theme of dinosaur erotica. You pick the dinosaur, and I'll make the magic happen without shame or fear.

Your dark desires are very interesting to me. Especially yours, C.S. You know who you are.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He sounds bored.]

Must you make every conversation vulgar?

Well we all have something. It's in my nature to be like this, like it's in yours to solve your problems by bashing in skulls!

Edited 2015-08-27 13:39 (UTC)

It has proven effective, you can't argue with results.

No, I can't. I'm actually pretty sure you caused a miniature stroke and now my arguing ability is impaired as a result.

You only deliver me good news today, what's the occasion?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a good mood. A lot of things are going my way today.

Are they now? That's rather unusual for you. Though I did happen to notice you quite handily disrupted the uneasy alliance within our very own Brady Bunch.

Quite effective.

It's always really entertaining when people who insist they would die for each other go tits-up the second they're forced to confront a lie they've been telling themselves.

Try to train a wolf to guard sheep, eventually he will go after the flock.

It's too bad you missed an entertaining show, locked away as it was. It was only a matter of time.

Oh, I like that.

Do tell? What sheep did he snap at?

The noisy blonde. Of course I can't say I wouldn't have gotten rid of her a long time ago, myself.

Edited 2015-08-29 19:37 (UTC)

I'd absolutely tap that, but I'd probably have her wear a ball gag.

To be fair, you aren't known for having discerning taste.

Everyone has standards. And mine are definitely higher than my pitiful excuse for an original.

I truly find that unlikely. Is breathing even a requirement for you?

Of course it isn't difficult to have a higher standard than "pathetic".

Edited 2015-08-29 22:46 (UTC)

Even when my mouth is full, I have my nose. Is that what you're asking?

[Sigh.]

I meant your partner.

Oh. That wasn't very clear. You should work on that.

I think you simply have comprehension issues. Did I hit you too hard?

Hitting me at all is hitting me too hard. Even a year of eating as much bacon as I can hold hasn't made his body look healthy.

You have been dealt an unfortunate hand. Have you considered sources of protein other than bacon and semen?

[Only this guy can manage to say something like that in a completely flat tone.]

Why would I do that?

A vain attempt at making up for your gross deficiencies, and rather disappointingly fragile frame.

It's sturdier than it looks, you know.

Not by much, or did you forget how easily I shattered you?

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