raisetheearth | [Video] Open to action for those in Shepherd's Haven

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[Video] Open to action for those in Shepherd's Haven

[When the video starts Misa is leaning forward, looking at herself in a mirror (turned camera by the network). Behind her are white tiles and her hands are resting against a sink; all the trappings of a typical bathroom.]

Phew… talk about nerve wracking… But it’s going really well, I just need to keep it up.

[She seems calm enough, then suddenly her eyes widen and she brings her arms up as if to defend herself.]

AHH-

[Her scream abruptly cuts off. Staring ahead, her hands come to rest against something invisible in front of her shoulders. A minute or so passes like this with Misa utterly mute, sweating and terrified but unmoving. Finally she frantically starts patting one hand against the air and then falls to her knees, gasping for breath.]

What are you? [Breathing heavily, she uses the sink to steady herself and hoists herself back onto her feet.] I can tell you’re not a stalker, but you don’t seem human at all…

[She goes quiet for another minute or two, looking away from the mirror. The terror on her face has been replaced by confusion.]

I don’t understand… I met you before? What notebook…? [Whatever answer she receives, she appears incredulous.] That sounds interesting, but…

[Shock colors her features… then a sly smile breaks out.]

Light is Kira? That would be awesome if it was true. [Slowly the smile fades, replaced by uncertainty again.] Light is Kira… and Misa is the second Kira…?

[A short pause.]

He’s searching for Kira with Ryuzaki, one of L’s men. But wait, how can Kira be searching for Kira? … Just as planned? Ah, could it be that Light is Kira and trying to kill L? [She raises a hand to her mouth in awed surprise, seemingly thrilled.] That being on L’s side is all part of a plan?

[She tilts her head, then shakes it from side to side.] That’s impossible… That Ryuzaki guy I mentioned is attached to Light 24/7 by handcuffs.

[Several minutes tick by, and the longer she stays silent the more confused Misa seems to grow.]

You’re saying some complicated stuff that I don’t know about… What the…? Is that good or bad…? [The confusion remains evident on her face, and when she speaks it’s with a tone of seeking confirmation.] Light is Kira and he wants to catch this other Kira and kill L, right? … And Misa was the second Kira? … So then Light and Misa became Kira thanks to your powers, right? … Then use your power and turn me into Kira again. If Light is going to become Kira again, then I want to too, so I can help him.

[A few seconds pass and Misa smiles, glancing down demurely with a faint blush coloring her cheeks.] I did all that for Light…? That makes me so happy…

[She glances back up.] I see… How many notebooks are there? … But if he had the notebook before, couldn’t he have killed L really easily? … It sounds kinda complicated. Then can’t you kill L? You can, right? You are a shinigami, after all. Why not?

[Slowly, her unimpressed expression gives way to a hero-worshipping smile.]

Yeah… Kira was- I mean, Light was doing it to make the world a better place. You didn’t even know that, shinigami? But if you want to help him then shouldn’t you kill L?

[The answer does not seem to impress her.] Stingy! … Huh? Oh, yeah…

[Her eyes light up, and once again Misa is blushing with a pleased smile on her face.]

Shinigami, you are real. You know everything about me, I totally believe you. I do love Light… Yes, more than anything. If Light was Kira and Misa was Kira too and we were both Kira together… then that’s totally awesome. [There’s a pause, and she giggles happily.] Thank you, shinigami.

[Seconds pass and her smile slips, giving way to a look of unease.]

There’s no way Light would kill Misa. And why would you go so far for me? I don’t exactly want to be loved by a shinigami… And if Light died, I couldn’t live on without him.

[This whole one-sided conversation she has been looking up, as if at a creature that towers above her, but now she looks down, leaning forward a bit.] Okay, I understand. Thanks for warning me. [There’s another pause, and now she is looking straight ahead.] Okay… I understand that, but why don’t you just tell me who it is now? …

“All that trouble?” I don’t remember that… [She straightens up, bringing a hand to the back of her head.] Ugh, there’s so many rules! Don’t you get annoyed? [She sighs, nodding to herself.]

Hmm… There’s a lot of stuff I don’t get, but… seems like you’re really on my side. I can feel that you care about me, shinigami. [She raises a finger in the air as if about to give a lecture.] Sure. Basically, Light has his own plan and I should just act like I always do and let Light figure out who Kira is on his own.

[With a wink, she points two finger-guns forward.] And if I try to tell him who Kira is, he won’t believe me and Ryuzaki and L will start to become suspicious. I get it, no problem.

[There is a pause, then an enthusiastic:] Wow, Misa rocks! [She grins, flashing peace signs with both hands.] Well, I am an actress! Director Nishinaka, Light and Ryuzaki, and now even a shinigami, have asked me to act. And I’m about to land a huge commercial! I’m a star!

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Not ignore it... If your other tortured mine and mine wanted to kill yours, does that make us even?

[That might have been a joke. It's hard to tell.]

It's not about being "even", Misa.

[His tone is heavy. He didn't take it as a joke.]

It's about how much the two of us can take.

[There wasn't a good deal of cheer to her voice before, but it is utterly flat when she replies.]

I know. I'm sorry, Lazarus.

[There's some background noise as she slowly sits herself up, resting her back against the cabinet beneath the sink.]

Not something a blowjob can fix, is it? I wonder if anything can.

You don't have to come here.

Don't apologize. It's not--

[He's cut off, and half-chokes, at her very public words about the kind of private act she'd scream in fury if someone else brought up. It's the last thing he expected, and probably the last thing he's in the mood for. It adds another fucked-up dimension to everything, though, and Lazarus is all about going all-out.

Fuck it.]

I'm coming over. That's not up for debate. I just want to lie next to you and talk.

[Sure enough, there's a knock on her door almost as soon as the words are spoken.]

[Just one of the many indications that Misa is not in her right mind.]

I didn't say you couldn't, just that you don't have to.

[Lying next to him sounds very appealing, even if talking doesn't. She flinches at the knock, turning to look in the direction of her closed door.]

It's open- it's all open. I'm in the bathroom.

[He doesn't answer that message; he's here, and words can probably wait until he's ascertained for himself that things are all right. At least, as all right as they can truly be.

He opens the door, heading straight for the bathroom and nudging the door ajar.]

Misa?

[Misa turns her head to look up at him. She has obviously been crying, and looks as frail as she has ever been curled up on the tile floor. She should say something; she wants to say something, but can't find the words to. All she can seem to do is stare up at Lazarus and marvel that he actually came here to find her after seeing all that.]

[She looks absolutely pitiful, and it's a huge difference from the almost psychotically blissful rapture she seemed to have been in at the thought of killing off "L". He's glad he's ceased to go by that, but it's only marginally more reassuring.

Any hesitance or anger he might have felt before melts away at the sight of her.]

Come on...

[He mumbles the words awkwardly, offering a hand.]

It can't be comfortable down there. Or warm.

[Misa stares at his hand, dazed. She hasn't gotten to the point of feeling one with her body again; not quite yet. Of course it isn't comfortable, or warm, but isn't that the point?]

[Why would he do this? If he saw everything she did and said, why would he come to her?]

[Slowly, Misa takes his hand, holding it for a moment before attempting to stand up. It feels like an incredible burden right now, but she took his hand; she has to do something.]

[Lazarus thinks he knows how his Other would respond. Granted, it's not the same, the plotting for his death were blatantly about him, and not Lazarus. But it's still a part of him, a portion of his soul is devoted to that man's skills and demons, and as long as a person is Numbered, that portion only gets larger with time.

But he's determined to be a better man than L, at any cost, even if the hand he's offering gets bitten or smacked away and even if the overcompensation is sickeningly benevolent and kind and gains him resentment in the long run.

His arm tenses as he pulls her the rest of the way to her feet, and he moves to let her leave the bathroom first. Once they're outside, he slips out of his boots, pulling back the comforter on her bed and lying on his side.]

Edited 2015-10-18 02:31 (UTC)

[Misa watches all this in silence, walking where directed and then trailing behind him like a ghost. What was it he said, that this was about how much they could take? Surely they're past that point now.]

Should you really turn you back to me?

[It's a terrible thing to say. She is aware of that as the words leave her mouth, as they enter his skull, but she can't keep herself from saying them. Why is he acting so calm? She doesn't trust it.]

[He doesn't turn at her words to face her, rather pulls the sheet and comforter up around his thin shoulders and moves over so she has space to join him, if she's inclined to.]

I'm not afraid, Misa.

I saw a giant monster. She told me that I was a killer even though I didn't remember it, and it made me happy.

[She leans against the bed, watching his back but not moving to join him quite yet.]

Why wouldn't that scare you?

[He's quiet, still not turning toward her.]

It concerns me. It doesn't scare me, and that's because we are not those people. Regardless of how it feels sometimes, you're not that Misa, and I'm certainly not L.

Let's forget we're Numbered for a little while. Let's talk about who we were before all this, and... for all intents and purposes, who we still are and who we will always be. No matter what.

[Misa remains uncharacteristically quiet. Some muffled sniffling is the only audible sign that she has started crying again. The mattress sags under her slight weight as she joins him on the bed, throwing an arm over his side and touching her forehead to his shoulder.]

I love you.

[Has she said that before? She doesn't think so. Now she can't stop.]

I love you, I love you, I love you...

[It's as unexpected as it is intense. He stiffens under her arm and weathers the onslaught of adoration. He's not prepared for this, and those words scare him as much as they always have, but he still rolls over, turning toward her and pressing a kiss against her mouth. He brings a hand to her damp cheek, smoothing away hair she cut and dyed back after finding out that he preferred brunettes.]

Tell me about the best birthday you ever had.

[It's a relief when he cuts her off with a kiss. She was beginning to think she would never be able to stop.]

[The question he asks catches her off guard, and she stares into his eyes in a confused state before letting out something halfway between a laugh and a sob.]

I don't know. I had an idol themed year and saw AKB48 in concert with some friends, that was pretty great.

[She smiles at the memory, tears still streaming down her cheeks and onto the pillow.]

[The ways he touches and speaks to her are gentle, but strangely confident. Once they would have been feather-light and uncertain, but he's reached out and soothed so many people by this point in his life (and been soothed by his own right) that he's no longer scared of laying a hand against pain.]

Yeah? I don't know AKB48. Were you out late? Did you dance with anyone? When is your birthday?

[The onslaught of questions gives her very little time to think, and Misa is immensely grateful for that. It might be a sloppy distraction tactic, but it's working.]

June 25th, did I never tell you that? They're an idol group with tons of members, we were out super late and then came back to my house for a slumber party. We all danced together at the concert, but it isn't really the kind of music for one-on-one dancing. Plus it was all girls at the concert and after, we had a party with the boys earlier. My parents—they never would have let guys sleep over.

No, I suppose you didn't...

[He actually feels bad about this. It means he missed it. But now that he knows he'll never forget.]

How old were you at this party? Old enough for boys to matter?

Edited 2015-10-19 04:31 (UTC)

[The question makes her pause for a moment; it's a weird thing for a boyfriend to ask, right? But she continues answering to the best of her ability.]

I was in high school, 16—no it was 15. I wasn't dating Kaito yet.

[It feels awkward to bring up past boyfriends, but that should answer his second question. It's hard for Misa to remember a time when boys didn't matter.]

Your birthday is coming up, isn't it?

[Maybe it's a little weird to talk about exes, but in a strange way Lazarus feels like he owes it to her, given that she probably feels like she knows way too much about him and Cesar.

But then she changes the subject.]

I don't remember telling you about my birthday. I mean, I think I might have, but I don't usually talk about it...

I might have asked around a little...

[She scoots forward on the bed so that her head is nestled against his collar bone, exhausted from her echo and all the crying.]

If you let me throw you a party, I promise it'll be better than Nathan's was.

[He doesn't know whether to feel embarrassed and violated, or strangely touched. He settles at an uneasy place in the middle, nudging an arm under her shoulders to hold her as she cuddles closer.]

That was a disaster. I still feel terrible about Nathan's party, and...

[He hesitates.]

My birthday's never really been a happy time. Do you really want to...?

Mmh... I want to make it happy, if I can.

[Misa doesn't feel very confident in her ability to make that happen right now, but she does have a few ideas.]

We can replace the unhappy birthday memories with better ones.

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