raisetheearth | [Video] Open to action for those in Shepherd's Haven

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[Video] Open to action for those in Shepherd's Haven

[When the video starts Misa is leaning forward, looking at herself in a mirror (turned camera by the network). Behind her are white tiles and her hands are resting against a sink; all the trappings of a typical bathroom.]

Phew… talk about nerve wracking… But it’s going really well, I just need to keep it up.

[She seems calm enough, then suddenly her eyes widen and she brings her arms up as if to defend herself.]

AHH-

[Her scream abruptly cuts off. Staring ahead, her hands come to rest against something invisible in front of her shoulders. A minute or so passes like this with Misa utterly mute, sweating and terrified but unmoving. Finally she frantically starts patting one hand against the air and then falls to her knees, gasping for breath.]

What are you? [Breathing heavily, she uses the sink to steady herself and hoists herself back onto her feet.] I can tell you’re not a stalker, but you don’t seem human at all…

[She goes quiet for another minute or two, looking away from the mirror. The terror on her face has been replaced by confusion.]

I don’t understand… I met you before? What notebook…? [Whatever answer she receives, she appears incredulous.] That sounds interesting, but…

[Shock colors her features… then a sly smile breaks out.]

Light is Kira? That would be awesome if it was true. [Slowly the smile fades, replaced by uncertainty again.] Light is Kira… and Misa is the second Kira…?

[A short pause.]

He’s searching for Kira with Ryuzaki, one of L’s men. But wait, how can Kira be searching for Kira? … Just as planned? Ah, could it be that Light is Kira and trying to kill L? [She raises a hand to her mouth in awed surprise, seemingly thrilled.] That being on L’s side is all part of a plan?

[She tilts her head, then shakes it from side to side.] That’s impossible… That Ryuzaki guy I mentioned is attached to Light 24/7 by handcuffs.

[Several minutes tick by, and the longer she stays silent the more confused Misa seems to grow.]

You’re saying some complicated stuff that I don’t know about… What the…? Is that good or bad…? [The confusion remains evident on her face, and when she speaks it’s with a tone of seeking confirmation.] Light is Kira and he wants to catch this other Kira and kill L, right? … And Misa was the second Kira? … So then Light and Misa became Kira thanks to your powers, right? … Then use your power and turn me into Kira again. If Light is going to become Kira again, then I want to too, so I can help him.

[A few seconds pass and Misa smiles, glancing down demurely with a faint blush coloring her cheeks.] I did all that for Light…? That makes me so happy…

[She glances back up.] I see… How many notebooks are there? … But if he had the notebook before, couldn’t he have killed L really easily? … It sounds kinda complicated. Then can’t you kill L? You can, right? You are a shinigami, after all. Why not?

[Slowly, her unimpressed expression gives way to a hero-worshipping smile.]

Yeah… Kira was- I mean, Light was doing it to make the world a better place. You didn’t even know that, shinigami? But if you want to help him then shouldn’t you kill L?

[The answer does not seem to impress her.] Stingy! … Huh? Oh, yeah…

[Her eyes light up, and once again Misa is blushing with a pleased smile on her face.]

Shinigami, you are real. You know everything about me, I totally believe you. I do love Light… Yes, more than anything. If Light was Kira and Misa was Kira too and we were both Kira together… then that’s totally awesome. [There’s a pause, and she giggles happily.] Thank you, shinigami.

[Seconds pass and her smile slips, giving way to a look of unease.]

There’s no way Light would kill Misa. And why would you go so far for me? I don’t exactly want to be loved by a shinigami… And if Light died, I couldn’t live on without him.

[This whole one-sided conversation she has been looking up, as if at a creature that towers above her, but now she looks down, leaning forward a bit.] Okay, I understand. Thanks for warning me. [There’s another pause, and now she is looking straight ahead.] Okay… I understand that, but why don’t you just tell me who it is now? …

“All that trouble?” I don’t remember that… [She straightens up, bringing a hand to the back of her head.] Ugh, there’s so many rules! Don’t you get annoyed? [She sighs, nodding to herself.]

Hmm… There’s a lot of stuff I don’t get, but… seems like you’re really on my side. I can feel that you care about me, shinigami. [She raises a finger in the air as if about to give a lecture.] Sure. Basically, Light has his own plan and I should just act like I always do and let Light figure out who Kira is on his own.

[With a wink, she points two finger-guns forward.] And if I try to tell him who Kira is, he won’t believe me and Ryuzaki and L will start to become suspicious. I get it, no problem.

[There is a pause, then an enthusiastic:] Wow, Misa rocks! [She grins, flashing peace signs with both hands.] Well, I am an actress! Director Nishinaka, Light and Ryuzaki, and now even a shinigami, have asked me to act. And I’m about to land a huge commercial! I’m a star!

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[Misa watches all this in silence, walking where directed and then trailing behind him like a ghost. What was it he said, that this was about how much they could take? Surely they're past that point now.]

Should you really turn you back to me?

[It's a terrible thing to say. She is aware of that as the words leave her mouth, as they enter his skull, but she can't keep herself from saying them. Why is he acting so calm? She doesn't trust it.]

[He doesn't turn at her words to face her, rather pulls the sheet and comforter up around his thin shoulders and moves over so she has space to join him, if she's inclined to.]

I'm not afraid, Misa.

I saw a giant monster. She told me that I was a killer even though I didn't remember it, and it made me happy.

[She leans against the bed, watching his back but not moving to join him quite yet.]

Why wouldn't that scare you?

[He's quiet, still not turning toward her.]

It concerns me. It doesn't scare me, and that's because we are not those people. Regardless of how it feels sometimes, you're not that Misa, and I'm certainly not L.

Let's forget we're Numbered for a little while. Let's talk about who we were before all this, and... for all intents and purposes, who we still are and who we will always be. No matter what.

[Misa remains uncharacteristically quiet. Some muffled sniffling is the only audible sign that she has started crying again. The mattress sags under her slight weight as she joins him on the bed, throwing an arm over his side and touching her forehead to his shoulder.]

I love you.

[Has she said that before? She doesn't think so. Now she can't stop.]

I love you, I love you, I love you...

[It's as unexpected as it is intense. He stiffens under her arm and weathers the onslaught of adoration. He's not prepared for this, and those words scare him as much as they always have, but he still rolls over, turning toward her and pressing a kiss against her mouth. He brings a hand to her damp cheek, smoothing away hair she cut and dyed back after finding out that he preferred brunettes.]

Tell me about the best birthday you ever had.

[It's a relief when he cuts her off with a kiss. She was beginning to think she would never be able to stop.]

[The question he asks catches her off guard, and she stares into his eyes in a confused state before letting out something halfway between a laugh and a sob.]

I don't know. I had an idol themed year and saw AKB48 in concert with some friends, that was pretty great.

[She smiles at the memory, tears still streaming down her cheeks and onto the pillow.]

[The ways he touches and speaks to her are gentle, but strangely confident. Once they would have been feather-light and uncertain, but he's reached out and soothed so many people by this point in his life (and been soothed by his own right) that he's no longer scared of laying a hand against pain.]

Yeah? I don't know AKB48. Were you out late? Did you dance with anyone? When is your birthday?

[The onslaught of questions gives her very little time to think, and Misa is immensely grateful for that. It might be a sloppy distraction tactic, but it's working.]

June 25th, did I never tell you that? They're an idol group with tons of members, we were out super late and then came back to my house for a slumber party. We all danced together at the concert, but it isn't really the kind of music for one-on-one dancing. Plus it was all girls at the concert and after, we had a party with the boys earlier. My parents—they never would have let guys sleep over.

No, I suppose you didn't...

[He actually feels bad about this. It means he missed it. But now that he knows he'll never forget.]

How old were you at this party? Old enough for boys to matter?

Edited 2015-10-19 04:31 (UTC)

[The question makes her pause for a moment; it's a weird thing for a boyfriend to ask, right? But she continues answering to the best of her ability.]

I was in high school, 16—no it was 15. I wasn't dating Kaito yet.

[It feels awkward to bring up past boyfriends, but that should answer his second question. It's hard for Misa to remember a time when boys didn't matter.]

Your birthday is coming up, isn't it?

[Maybe it's a little weird to talk about exes, but in a strange way Lazarus feels like he owes it to her, given that she probably feels like she knows way too much about him and Cesar.

But then she changes the subject.]

I don't remember telling you about my birthday. I mean, I think I might have, but I don't usually talk about it...

I might have asked around a little...

[She scoots forward on the bed so that her head is nestled against his collar bone, exhausted from her echo and all the crying.]

If you let me throw you a party, I promise it'll be better than Nathan's was.

[He doesn't know whether to feel embarrassed and violated, or strangely touched. He settles at an uneasy place in the middle, nudging an arm under her shoulders to hold her as she cuddles closer.]

That was a disaster. I still feel terrible about Nathan's party, and...

[He hesitates.]

My birthday's never really been a happy time. Do you really want to...?

Mmh... I want to make it happy, if I can.

[Misa doesn't feel very confident in her ability to make that happen right now, but she does have a few ideas.]

We can replace the unhappy birthday memories with better ones.

I'm sure it'll be happier than years past, whether or not you even try.

[He's quick to say this, even confident about it.]

I mean... I have a family now, don't I? It's a very different situation.

[That does lessen the burden on her shoulders, and though Misa wants to be responsible for giving Lazarus an amazing day it is still a wonderful thing that he can be so confident in things being better even without her interference.]

A family, a home, a girlfriend. It sounds pretty nice all together like that, huh?

[If they can just ignore the events of the past hour.]

[They are both working incredibly hard to forget the fucked-up events of the past hour, and to their credit, they're doing a good job.]

It does. There have been points when I didn't have any of those.

[And that of course makes him think of Tony, who is still gone and still doesn't feel safe being near someone he admitted to Nux that he sees as prey. Even though he doesn't voice it out loud, it noticeably dampens a mood they've been trying hard to preserve. He makes an effort to put it back on track.]

As small as the family is... that just makes it more precious.

[Aaaaand that somehow just makes it all worse.]

Yeah... me too.

[The death of her parents comes to mind; as if she needed any more sad memories to wallow in. Misa isn't sure that she can truly call what she has here a family, but it is something.]

Do you want to know what I saw?

[There's something immediately cautious and guarded about him. Even as his eyes are curious, his body's tense like he recognizes that maybe he doesn't truly want to hear what she's suggesting telling him. He's never been one to primarily advocate staying in a safe and warm cocoon at the cost of hearing the truth, but surely there's no harm in doing it for just a little while longer...]

Is... it something you want to talk about, Misa? I'll hear it it but only if that's the case.

[The way he tenses in her arms is too obvious to ignore, and Misa holds him tighter in response. He can't leave her; he has every reason to, but she knows she couldn't take being alone with all this.]

Of course I don't want to talk about it. But if you want to know, I'll tell you. And... it was confusing. I really thought- when I was experiencing it all as her, she really thought she wasn't a killer. She didn't remember any of it.

[Obviously her Other didn't have many qualms about murder regardless and it took very little to turn her back around to supporting Kira, but full amnesia is another maddening addition to the puzzle.]

[The way she clings is something he likes most days. Her small body wrapping around his and holding him secure and cherished has never felt bad, but there's such pitiful desperation this time that he is uneasy.]

She didn't remember? You mean that you think that it was that Kira's power had passed on from her and as a result, she... didn't remember?

[He wishes he could take more comfort from her hold.]

I wonder if he manipulated it that way. And also if the person that Misa was talking to was someone that L also met.

I think it was part of... his plan. But she wasn't talking to a person. I... I don't think L could have met it.

[How to even describe the creature? Misa has seen it before, but a single distant memory is very different than interacting with such a thing. She had been frightened of the monstrous appearance, as any normal person would be, but... in the memory the shinigami had seemed to want nothing more than to protect her. To protect the other Misa.]

It was a shinigami, a god of death. That meeting... I don't think it was part of the plan. But she was in danger, and the shinigami appeared to warn her about it.

A Shinigami?

[Lazarus has been around longer. He remembers more from L's life, and has what even he would have to consider an unfair advantage if they were enemies. But they're not... they're friends, lovers, and he wouldn't take advantage of it just as she wouldn't take advantage of knowing his name.

...hopefully.]

Was it white? With yellow eyes, did it look sort of... bony?

[Misa pulls back far enough to meet Lazarus's eyes, caught off-guard by him already having that knowledge. But then, he has been receiving echoes far longer than her... she might not be the only one that has hidden some. She wouldn't have the moral standing to fault him for it now.]

Yes. It's... her name is Rem.

[And I think she was in love with me. Her, in love with her. The thought is disquieting either way. What kind of a person earns the love of a god of death? No mere murderer.]

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