raisetheearth | Entry #A-1: "A" [Video/Action] [Shepherd's Haven]

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Entry #A-1: "A" [Video/Action] [Shepherd's Haven]

[Lazarus checks in looking thoroughly displeased. He's standing in the largest building in Shepherd's Haven, most commonly used for forums and meetings. Today, he's surrounded by fabulous, artistic and delectable patries and sweets. Some are on the tables, set out as if for a banquet, but others are on the floor or in odd, unexected places, like on chairs and sticking to the walls.]

It's the one-year anniversary of our move to Shepherd's Haven. I was going to tell you that in spite of the slime, you're all still welcome to come celebrate and eat some of the food prepared for the occasion in the town hall. You know, in a valiant effort to maintain some semblance of community and normalcy, and to reject sensationalist panic and obsession.

[A green blob drops onto his shoulder. He brushes it off with clear distaste, but from the time he touches it to the time it lands on the floor, it transforms into a platter of cream puffs that land with a resounding clatter.]

...disregard that. If you do decide to come, don't eat anything until you confirm with me that it isn't slime. Right now, that's everything over here.

[He turns the feed over so it's in view of a far less enticing display of healthier and plainer options. Much of it was probably canned or frozen previously.]

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[... Did he say something wrong? Perhaps he did. He'll allow Lazarus the moment to compose himself, won't ask if he'd somehow done something wrong. Nobody needs to deal with what is surely a ridiculous insecurity of his.]

I'll do what I can. I have . . . ventured to touch a few myself. [Sometime after Tony had done the same and proven the blobs are not going to attack them or whatever else.] Perhaps unsurprisingly, they have turned into toys.

[Lazarus doesn't mind dealing with Nathan's insecurities. It's not like he hasn't allowed Nathan to see him in some dark, terrifying and illogical mindsets by now and he owes him that much for taking such good care of his responsibilities when he was falling to pieces.]

Sweets for L, toys for Near. I wonder if Mello had something that correlated to him that way... if all of them that came from that school did, for that matter.

[He kneels to start scooping up whipped cream and fruit toppings; clearly there's a part of him that regrets wasting all this just because it's made of mystery goo.]

[Nathan sees his own as so minor compared to what Lazarus goes through that it hardly seems worth it to trouble anyone with them. He's fine, relatively. It's no one else's problem.]

With only the two of us, it isn't quite enough for a pattern . . . though I do not think it would surprise me.

[Nathan has wondered off and on, when his mind has had time to drift, if they will ever meet a reincarnation of Mello. His feelings on that are rather conflicted, given what he knows of the relationship between Mello and Near. It hadn't been good then, and while that does not mean it couldn't be different now . . .

[He kneels down to scoop up some of it himself. Even he, who has eaten many questionable things just to survive, is leery of consuming anything that used to be slime.] As it is, I am somewhat hesitant to keep them, knowing what they've come from.

[It would be less risky than eating what had once been slime, surely. Still. Too much of an unknown for him to trust.]

[Nathan also needs to work on downplaying certain things that are, while complicated and highly uncomfortable, well worth understanding and examining.]

A whole school filled with people trying to be like L while knowing little about him... it could go a lot of ways, but it's my expectation that they'd zero in on fixations, or else... if selected because they already shared a similar foundation, perhaps it's a matter of correlation rather than causation. It's something I would like to know more about.

[If only to commend such a strange and immoral practice.]

I want some analysis to happen in a lab. I could contact Cesar, but...

[His voice falters. They haven't been in contact lately. Things would probably be awkward.]

It's true we don't yet understand much of what the selection process entailed besides the children being orphans. Presumably ones of high intellect, all things considered. I suppose only time will tell if we come to know more for certain.

[It's a bit of an uncomfortable thing. One of his first Echoes had been about how he'd been valued there. But had he only been valued because of how well he'd performed in the training?

[His hand stops short of one of the fallen pastries, just for a few seconds, when Cesar's name is mentioned. It's for multiple reasons, of course. There is the whole issue of how things had gone between him and Lazarus, but some little part of Nathan still inwardly recoils because of what the man's doppelganger had done to him. Unfair of him. He knows that, but the instinct is still there.]

We should certainly do something to learn more about it . . . [He has absolutely no idea what to say on the whole Cesar matter, so his own voice trails off awkwardly after his agreement that the slime should be tested.]

I suppose.

[He sounds uncertain and perhaps more than a little bit reluctant to consider the implications too much. Evidence points toward his Other being a pretty bad person; he knows as much based on the volley of echoes he got back from Misa. But despite that, he did help the children under his care and tutelage, didn't he? Couldn't that be objectively considered a good thing?

He notes the awkwardness that Cesar's name has instilled, going beyond his own personal involvement with the man, and he immediately regrets bringing it up at all.]

I can contact scientists. They needn't be him. And you and I can apply research techniques in such a setting, right? We might need to travel for proper facilities, but it could happen.

[The fact is, they still know too little about Wammy's House, how the children were treated and trained. Knowing that their Others were not good people makes speculation worrisome. Nathan doesn't like thinking too hard about it, either. He wants the memory of that place to be a happier one.

[He doesn't mean to let the whole mess with Cesar bother him, but what he'd endured does not just go away.] It could, yes.

I imagine you were good in science even before we started getting echoes.

[So many wounds. Some of them are visible, some microscopic, but they're all felt when they come in contact with a wash of lemon juice.]

Sorry. It was highly inconsiderate of me to bring that up.

[Just because he's ready to talk doesn't mean that Nathan is ready to listen.]

I was good at most things of that nature. [Nathan may have a lot of confidence issues, but that he performed exceptionally well in school so far as grades are concerned is not in dispute.]

[He shakes his head.] No, it's fine. It makes sense that it would be the first thing to come to your mind about this.

Yeah, I... was, too...

[There are other emotions at play, other things happening and demanding attention. Lazarus can't pretend it isn't happening and digging sharp, insistent fingertips into the conversation's grey matter.]

Just because we were involved emotionally doesn't mean that my emotions on the matter rule me. You can rest assured that's not the case. What's done is done.

[This entire conversation seems to have hit a wrong note and Nathan has no idea what to do in order to get it onto a better one. He keeps on with cleaning slime-pastry off the floor while trying to think of something else to say.

[But after the silence goes on too long he just . . . nods in understanding. It's better than nothing? Maybe? Nathan is a bit out of his depth here.]

[Lazarus is equally at a loss. All he can do is force a smile and try to live up to his claim, that it's in the past and that it no longer needs to affect him adversely.

Even if no one would call Lazarus up-beat, compared to Nathan, sometimes he has to be.]

So.

[He clears his throat, scooping some whipped cream into a plastic bag.]

I don't suppose you've heard anything about what these are becoming when Misa touches them? Or has she avoided them entirely?

[He's immensely grateful for the subject change, and there's a visible relaxation in his shoulders. He'd been wracking his brain trying to figure one out himself and ultimately coming up with nothing.]

If she's touched any, I haven't heard about it. Given how vocal she has been against it, I can't imagine she'd have touched it intentionally.

It can't have escaped you that she's very secretive about some of the echoes she's received. I wonder if this is like that.

No, I've certainly noticed. [That secrecy had started just after the kappa had awakened in Tokyo. At least so far as Nathan knows.]

We can't rule out the possibility. [He does have to wonder how bad they are that she's hiding them.]

She has lied about it on at least one occasion. She said that she'd gotten a tattoo back from an echo... the one she was behaving strangely about that day in Tokyo.

I've personally ascertained since that no such tattoo exists.

She had been very uncomfortable that day. [He'd managed to trigger an uncomfortable Echo from her himself then. And then he'd promised not to bring it up later because it had upset her so much and he wanted to make sure he'd still been welcome at the apartment.]

How did you ascertain that? [Nathan, honey. You have no idea what you've just asked.]

[Lazarus seems surprised by the question.]

I... looked, and it wasn't there.

[How else does a detective ascertain things? Come on Nathan, get with it.]

[His head tilts marginally at the hesitance in that answer. That's a bit strange, considering how easily they'd (finally) been conversing.

[He pauses a moment, thinking back to that conversation over a year ago. What about that would make Lazarus hesitant to discuss it? He hadn't been privy to any of the details of the conversation his arrival had interrupted, but evidently it had concerned the tattoo that Misa has lied about, and she'd called Lazarus a pervert that day . . .

[... Oh.

[He averts his eyes, clears his throat uncomfortably.] Right. Of course. So the question remains as to what she really got that day.

[He will gladly steer off the road he'd inadvertently stumbled upon. None of his business.]

[Even though Nathan is an adult, turning 20 in a month, it can be easy to forget his actual age. Though Lazarus doesn't condescend to him as a rule, there are certain topics that feel vaguely taboo. Going into detail about adult relationships is one of them, and it's obvious that Nathan feels the same way when he clears his throat and flings his gaze elsewhere.

They differ in that Lazarus has an interest in adult sexual relationships and pursues them, and maybe that's what really makes this uncomfortable when they are supposed to essentially be different versions of the same person where they're from, according to some of their uncannier echoes.]

Of... course.

[Meaningful stare. Did Nathan get it, understand it? Almost certainly. No real reason to dwell.]

It occurred to me that she might have gotten it removed. She disapproves of tattoos, mine included, but there wasn't evidence of that either upon further examination in different lighting. It looked and felt as smooth as if it had never been inked.

[Normally, Nathan finds it embarrassing and occasionally even irritating to be treated as younger than he is. It happens often enough when he has to go out. He's small, smooth-faced, and despite his usual monotone even his voice sounds young. And that is all without his Echoed-back fixation with toys.

[But this topic? He's perfectly okay with not discussing it. He isn't entirely disinterested in such matters, but nor is he interested enough to ever actually pursue anything of the sort. And he is more than content to remain ignorant of any details here. Even without their Others factored in, they're as good as family, and so it's . . . awkward.]

It has to be something else, then.

[Unfortunately, where Lazarus is, awkwardness has a tendency to follow. He's aware that Nathan's uncomfortable; that much, he can discern. But when it comes to avoiding the subject, the accompanying thought, effort and fixation actually might make it worse.]

Well, that goes without saying...

[He's supposed to toss off an astounding deduction right now, isn't he? It seems like a good place for one.]

She was romantically involved with the person my Other suspected of being Kira. If I had to guess... I'd put my money on something that was connected to him, less as her lover and more as... an accomplice. You cover for people you love, right? Or... would?

[Lazarus has no right to sound so uncertain; he knows very well what Nathan did to help him when he was struggling some months ago, and just how much covering actually went on. But he's using "love" in a different sense here.]

[That is indeed a problem even for people who don't have obsessive personalities. The more one focuses upon trying not to think about something, the more difficult it is to actually do.

[Nevertheless, he's still trying to focus on the conversation at hand. Much more comfortable. Hopefully will keep out any mental images he would rather not have.]

People do that. [Different sense of the word or not, the desire to protect such a person is still the same, isn't it? He absorbs this information, thinks on it.] Concocting a story about the Echo being something physical would not make sense if it were a memory; a memory would be easier to lie about. If there was no visible physical change . . .

[Trailing off for just a second, here. No, get out of his head, mental image of how that was determined. Okay. Gone.] Then that would leave an object as the remaining possibility.

An object she was hiding under her clothes.

[Lazarus averts his eyes, feeling fairly confident with that conclusion. It would have to be small and flat enough to fit against her skin.]

She's a valuable and contributing member to this community. I don't want to take drastic measures at this point or go so far as to accuse her, but... I do want to know what she got back, in case she still has it. It must be important.

[He certainly catches that reaction, the discomfort inherent in it. With a hint of guilt:] We don't know anything for certain; we should try not to jump to conclusions if we can avoid it.

[Nathan doesn't want to make accusations, either. Occasional bouts of being judgemental or patronizing aside, Misa is a nice person overall and he would much rather not think ill of her. Even so:] I cannot imagine hiding it if it weren't important.

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