raisetheearth | [Video] [Shepherd's Haven]

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[Video] [Shepherd's Haven]

[Nux is very frequently shirtless, even when the weather's a little cold and nippy. Summer's coming in the Southern Hemisphere, so this is true even more often, but today, there's something really different about the familiar sight of his slender, well-muscled torso. It's also adorned with elaborate scarification that looks like car parts. He keeps touching and scratching at it, looking distracted and a little bit distraught.]

So, uh... people are remembering things, yeah? I was digging a hole for fenceposts and I was daydreaming, but... you know, during the day.

You... you know what I'm trying to say, right? I was there, but I wasn't there. I had this thing on my chest when I woke up, and I remembered the sort of... religion my Other had. He definitely wasn't Catholic. I think he worshiped cars, called it the Cult of the V8.

I mean, I like cars, but I don't think they're gods or anything like that.

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I am sure.

Well.

Thanks for the vote of confidence I guess.

My confidence isn't enough though.

You still trying to guilt me?

I dunno. You feel guilty?

Nux, quit.

[That would be a yes.]

Well then I dunno, because guilty people try to change, don't they?

[Growl.]

I'm trying that's why I left god damn it.

Yeah well changing your surroundings and cutting out your support network isn't really the same thing as changing. Get mad all you want but that's the truth.

[Why is he determined to be so frustrating?]

And it'd be so much better if I stuck around and eventually killed someone right?

We wouldn't let you kill anyone! You probably wouldn't let yourself kill anyone.

One wrong twitch and I snap a neck, Nux. Do you think I'm so blind I don't know how close it's been? You've got no idea, do you? How much I have to fight it down?

I can't keep this up forever. Misa just reminded me what a dangerous lunatic I am. And I'm not saying that to garner sympathy or some bullshit, I mean it. Someone's gonna get hurt.

You're not a dangerous lunatic. Dramatic maybe, and everyone can be dangerous sometimes but you're not a lunatic.

I know it hasn't been close enough to make you leaving a good idea.

Nux.

[He doesn't want to say this or admit to it but this guy is not getting it. So he's going to have to spell it out, isn't he?]

I wanted to tear Lazarus apart on that rooftop. Every time he flinches I want to tear out his throat, dig my claws into him and take a bite. Guess it goes to show how well I've been keeping it down if even you haven't noticed that yet.

[He literally wants to eat his friends. This is not an okay thing.]

[There's a fairly long several beats of silence. He doesn't really know whose side to take; he knows that Lazarus is more perceptive than he is, and it's clear that Tony's really hurt over something.]

...why do you want to hurt him so bad, huh? What did he do?

[Because flinching sounds less like a cause and more like an effect, to him. Knowing how jumpy Lazarus is...]

I don't want to hurt him, Nux. That's what I'm saying! I'm trying to tell you I don't want to hurt anyone but when he does that it triggers some kind of...

Fuck I don't know how to explain it. Like. You know how dogs just have to chase squirrels? Think of it like that. He flinches, I think he's food. I can shut it down but I'm fucking exhausted I can't keep it up forever.

And it's only getting worse.

He's not food... he's bony. Bonier since you left, I think. But, uh, you're not a dog. There has to be something that helps.

I know this I'm not stupid but the difference between what I know and what I think against my own will is kinda broad right now.

I'm not a dog. [So he hates this so much.] The last time... the last time I felt at all sane or even alive was during the invasion when I was fighting. But I can't... I can't get that back.

[And he feels scared and hollow and angry all the time because of it.]

You were sane since then. You took care of him for weeks when he needed it. Months even, wasn't it? H-how can you go from that to wanting to...?

[He sounds confused, maybe a little hurt. But he's trying so hard to understand.]

Maybe we can spar. You don't wanna hurt me, so maybe that'll be safe.

I had Shou...

[Shou who could take a punch and give one just as viciously back. He had the war not too far from his back. But the longer time went on, the longer it was "peaceful" for everyone else... The more restless that demon became.]

I dunno, Nux. That sounds dangerous. I need to be able to let loose, if I did that with you I'd probably kill you. No offense, you're tough, but you're not stop a sword tough.

Shou, huh? You're, uh, you're... I guess it's easy to see why you'd miss him. For a lot of reasons. Sorry.

Yeah... [He was the only other non-human monster he had to talk to about all of this. And who understood it.

Then he up and vanished on him. The asshole.]

Anyway. Yeah.

Anyway what? You wanna punch something and blow off steam? You should! You should be mad about it! You guys were a thing and he just disappeared without saying anything?

It won't fix anything though will it? Just leave more broken. [Which is really frustrating because he would absolutely like to break things and has been, but it doesn't fix it and it doesn't really make him feel better. Just release a little stress. But it's not enough.

He gave Shou a lot. And now he just feels like it was a waste.]

It's holding it in that'll break you. It's holding you in that'll make you break Lazarus when you come back. If you save it of of course it'll explode.

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