[Video]

[callmeryuzaki]

[Here's a familiar face, to those who have been Numbered for awhile and perhaps even those who haven't.]

Why hello. I've missed your lovely faces.

A lot of you know me already, but I'm Lazarus Lawliet. The real one. That's me.

I'm looking to compile a useful database of relevant information on all of us, something that we can share freely and without outmoded hangups or hesitation. Let's be progressive about it.

If you send me your name, a photograph or other still image from the front and the side, your age, your profession, and your credit card information, I'll repay you by writing you a personalized piece of short fiction, starring you, in the wildly popular theme of dinosaur erotica. You pick the dinosaur, and I'll make the magic happen without shame or fear.

Your dark desires are very interesting to me. Especially yours, C.S. You know who you are.

Comments

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[oncedevil]

I'd rather not catch syphilis, thanks.

I think you're vastly overestimating how affected I'm going to be by dinosaur porn.

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[callmeryuzaki]

Big strong workhorse, I mean demon, like you? Nonsense.

People who haven't had sex for a long time get pretty hot and bothered. I think you're overestimating something else.

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[oncedevil]

Don't tell me you're into pony play too.

I think you're high but that's really a pretty safe bet knowing you.

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[callmeryuzaki]

What other bets would you like to make? I'm a gambling man. I'll roll the dice all day on fate.

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[oncedevil]

Dude, I don't even give a shit right now.

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[callmeryuzaki]

Don't worry, that's a common side effect of being massively butthurt.

"Look! I'm Tony! See how much I don't care despite having been furious just a second ago!" Real convincing.

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[oncedevil]

Do you just exist to be annoying or what?

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[callmeryuzaki]

On what planet is offering to hand out orgasms like candy annoying? You're just a prude.

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[oncedevil]

I already told you I don't want whatever diseases you're carrying. Besides, emaciated isn't really my thing.

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[callmeryuzaki]

I eat better than he does, you know.

I don't throw my pets scraps.

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[oncedevil]

You're not denying the diseases I noticed.

Also, you're a piece of shit.

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[callmeryuzaki]

Life is short. Catch an STD. Oh, wait, you can't, you're not getting any ass right now.

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[oncedevil]

That is probably the worst advice anyone has given anyone, ever. Besides, pretty sure vampires can't get STDs anyway so that was stupid to start with.

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[callmeryuzaki]

Nice comeback. Is that why you don't tell Lazarus and Nathan how you really feel, because you know that you just can't keep up with them mentally?

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[oncedevil]

Ugh, I don't even know why I bother talking to you.

[Click, he can't deal with any more of this shit tonight. Thanks, stupid doppelganger.]