raisetheearth | [Video]

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[Here's a familiar face, to those who have been Numbered for awhile and perhaps even those who haven't.]

Why hello. I've missed your lovely faces.

A lot of you know me already, but I'm Lazarus Lawliet. The real one. That's me.

I'm looking to compile a useful database of relevant information on all of us, something that we can share freely and without outmoded hangups or hesitation. Let's be progressive about it.

If you send me your name, a photograph or other still image from the front and the side, your age, your profession, and your credit card information, I'll repay you by writing you a personalized piece of short fiction, starring you, in the wildly popular theme of dinosaur erotica. You pick the dinosaur, and I'll make the magic happen without shame or fear.

Your dark desires are very interesting to me. Especially yours, C.S. You know who you are.

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[Already, Lazarus' heart is beating faster. It's much like when he was in the pantry facing the brunt of Tony's anger; he used to be much better at remaining completely calm in the face of it, but as the young man gets more of the demon back, he's resembling a pacing, caged lion more and more by the day.

He moves across the roof, his thin silhouette birdlike as he approaches Tony without the other young man's developing, feline strength and grace.]

What are you talking about? What's it to do with, then?

[He's wide-eyed as he sits close by Tony, questioning and confused.]

[This is exactly why it isn't wise to keep wild animals as pets. Sure they're cute and docile when they're little, but as they get older they grow increasingly more likely to bite off your face.]

This isn't the place for me, I'm leaving.

[Tony won't quite look at him directly, instead just watching him out of the corner of one eye. Fake L really hit a nerve, he's tired of being treated like a neutered pet.]

That doesn't answer the question, Tony. You said it was nothing to do with him but this seems new...

[He rests a hand on Tony's shoulder, crouching next to him.]

What can I do, Tony? Please talk to me.

It's the answer you're getting.

[He snaps, wrenching away from the comforting hand and snarling in L's direction. He's just lashing out at everyone tonight. Seems like something's finally made the pot boil over, and there doesn't seem to be any getting a lid back on it at this rate.]

Forget it. There's nothing you can do so don't even bother.

[He moves to stand, aiming to make a quick escape and probably at least attempt to make good on his threats against the doppelganger.]

[He hadn't wasted time on anything but searching the kid out. Of course this was going to get to him and exactly what Ryuzaki was and the things he (inevitably) said were bound to get to him.

Luckily, the place was a common haunt. It didn't take long to track him down, the two familiar voices leading him to the roof. Pulling himself up was easy.]

Tony.

[How to begin? How to pull him back from this? He gave Lazarus a small nod of acknowledgement.] C'mon, kiddo. You really wanna leave it like that?

[He's really going to leave it like that?

Lazarus is in motion before he's actually processed the words. He's rising to his feet, ready to argue that he can do something and he isn't as powerless to help as Tony's making him out to be. He's fought so hard to be effective, especially after all the trouble following his own psychotic break after the invasion. He can't just take no for an answer after everything they've been through, he has promised that he wouldn't give up on this kid.

An errant shove and he would fall and probably break something. Tony's more outright pissed than Lazarus thinks he's ever seen him, and he doesn't know how many of these gambles he realistically has left in him. They are reliant on Tony loving him enough not to snap him in half, but what if Tony snaps? Lazarus hates to admit that he's actually considering the possibility these days.

Miraculously, Richard makes an appearance in what might be the nick of time. Lazarus stands aside, ashamed of how adrenaline and relief are making his hands shake.]

[It's fortunate Richard's instincts are so good. Lazarus alone wouldn't have been able to handle Tony, not this time. Not with how riled up he is, especially after talking with Misa. Now he was absolutely certain, Shepard's Haven wasn't where he belonged.

Ignoring L he continued to move, but did jerk back to shoot a scathing look and bare his teeth at him. No, he wasn't just going to calm down and be a good puppy this time. He was sick and done and tired of playing nice, of doing what he's told and acting how he's expected when his mind howls and thrashes for something else. It's exhausting, and he just can't keep it up anymore.

There's a twitch, like he very much considered lashing out at Lazarus and in that moment even Tony wasn't certain if it was a feign or not. But Richard's voice caught him and he paused, eyes flicking over to him.]

What's the point? Can't stay anymore even if I wanted to. Gonna be a mess either way.

Yeah. I know, kid. Gonna be a mess.

[Of all the people in Shepherd's Haven, perhaps the only one to never show any fear of Tony is the man who little over a year ago adopted the wayward teenager as his own son.

He moved over, lifting a hand to clasp Tony's upper arm but letting it hover there for him to move into if he wanted to, or not.]

But listen, let's siddown here and talk it through. You know I'm not gonna ask you t' do anything you don't wanna. Neither is L.

[L gets a quick glance. Right?]

[Things were very different when Lazarus didn't care whether he lived or died, and rationalized that he'd been through so much (no small part of it with Tony) that it just wasn't worth getting worked up for danger. But since coming to Shepherd's Haven, that part of him has started to regrow, and now he shrinks away from snarling, bared teeth, and motions that hint at being rushed and needing to either fight and flee.

He flinches involuntarily at the way Tony twitches, nearly losing his footing as he takes a hurried step back toward the edge of the roof. Pale, heart pounding in his chest, he moves behind Richard when the other man steps forward, effectively putting him between himself and Tony.

He sinks to a crouching position, no longer trusting his shaking legs to support him. He nods hurriedly to confirm that he's not going to do anything to upset or challenge Tony, much the same way a teller at a bank would nod at a gun in his face during a robbery.]

[It's helped, having at least one person who doesn't flinch in fear, or watch him warily like they expect him to pop at any time. It's been one of many little things that have been slowly building into this explosion of finality.

He shifts away, not as sharply as he had from L but enough to indicate he's really not in the mood for comforting right now. One wary eye trained on Lazarus and the way he moves to cower behind Richard. He's silent for a time, regarding that movement before he lifts his chin and lets out a defiant huff.]

You know, the more you flinch from a dog the more likely it is to bite you.

[He moves further away from the both of them, to perch precariously on the edge of the roof, ready to hop away at a moment's notice. The fall won't hurt him, Richard could keep up as well, but L would have to climb back down like a normal person.]

I think we're done talking, I know where I stand.

[A burden, something feared, something pitied. That's not the place he's willing to be, and if that's what it's boiled down to well then... It's obvious he's overstayed his welcome.]

Lazarus, that isn't fuckin' helping.

[He huffs out a sharp sigh, moving closer but not directly at Tony, rather to a point level with him and several feet away at the edge of the roof. He frowns, eyes narrowed behind his shades and folds his arms, curling his fingers around his elbows.]

Let's get a couple of things straight, here. You ain't a dog, and you ain't someone's pet, and I know you're frustrated as fuck with all of this. I don't blame you. [Richard's voice stays low and level. Maybe he doesn't fully understand, but he's trying to.]

But do y' really know where you stand, or is it comin' down to what you want to see? If you want out, li'l man, you know 'm not gonna stop you, but you better think long an' hard about everything you're gonna be leaving behind if you bounce.

[Pausing, he sniffs slightly.]

Just... [A sigh.] I'm not gonna say goodbye to you. You'll always have a home with me. Wherever I am. I'm very proud of you, Tony. Remember that.

[For better or worse, the startled reactions aren't ones that Lazarus can control. If he could, he would be, he's trying incredibly hard to ensure that he can remain as solemnly calm and unflappable as Richard in this situation. But he's faced ones like it too many times now; it started coming unraveled during the rations debacle, and it's fraying in earnest now. As much as he wants to, he can no longer see Tony as someone safe who will protect him above all other thoughts, feelings and urges.

It might be correct, and it might not, but it feels innate. He does his best to ignore Tony's waspish comments about the unease that he is the direct cause of, shooting Richard an exasperated look when he's chastised for his reaction. Any day now I'll get that echo that makes me super strong and lightning fast, but guess what, it hasn't happened yet!

He listens to Richard say things that are, in so many words, things Lazarus has said to Tony in attempts to assuage his endless insecurities and doubts. He's in an awkward place, where he feels like his presence on the roof is officially superfluous and perhaps even unwelcome, and though the stubborn streak in him wants to stay and try to continue to talk sense into Tony, another part of him is nudging him back toward the way he got up here in the first place.

In his heart, he knows that he wants to not feel like prey after moving to New Zealand to be safe, and if Tony resists his help, there actually might not be anything he can do for him anymore. He doesn't leave quite yet but he turns his back, lighting up a cigarette to steady his nerves as much as possible.]

[He's listening to Richard, but his eyes are on Lazarus. Silent and flinching. The things they'd been through... and now he's turning away. He'd made promises, so many promises but even as they'd been made a part of Tony had known they couldn't be kept. Promises like that never were, no one could predict the future after all. It was funny though, now that Lazarus was the one escaping the darkness while Tony remained trapped, seemed so much easier to leave him behind now wasn't it?

It's really just better for everyone if he doesn't stay.]

That's the problem though isn't it? I stopped bein' a pet, [He juts his chin toward Lazarus.] what about you? Nothin' to say?

[It was all well and dandy when he could focus his ferocity on an enemy they all agreed needed to be disposed of. Now suddenly everyone else was able to take the high ground, 'course it wasn't their hands that were dirty. How convenient.

Finally his gaze shoots back to Richard, and yeah he's pouting and being surly because teenager.]

Why do people keep saying I want this? Who the hell wants this!? [He gestures aggressively at the compound in general. Deep down, he knows he's dangerous he'd warned them over and over again over the years but no one took him seriously. They still don't, but at least now they realize it too.

Of course it's really hard to ask for help when you don't even know what's wrong or how to fix it, especially from someone struggling with their own piles of demons.

His shoulders slump a little, and he idly lets himself teeter back on that edge. He's already made his decision.]

You can come with me if you want, or not. But I'm not staying. 'Fraid I'm not built for playing house anymore.

[He didn't expect Tony to understand it then, but when people felt they should be victimised or hated, they often found ways to make it happen.. even if those ways were in their imagination. Richard wasn't convinced that the people in Shepherd's Haven looked at Tony with half the amount of revulsion that the young man saw, but letting him run away by himself would only leave him to stew in the assumptions he'd already made.

The rest of his family had been missing for a year. He didn't intend on letting Tony slip out of his grasp so easily.]

Alright. I'll come along. We'll see this through.

[At least he was better built for travel than he used to be.]

But there's no point shoutin' at L.

[The words cut. Pet? Is that how he feels about being Lazarus' friend? After everything they've done for each other? He takes a deep breath on his cigarette, glad that nicotine steadies his hands. He's doing nothing because it feels like there's nothing left to do, like he's mired in a hideous catch-22 where he's damned no matter what he tries. Tony won't hear reason, he won't hear emotion, and he won't hear personal truth. If he can, it won't be from Lazarus.

No, he doesn't have anything to say, especially not to that. He keeps his eyes focused forward, away from the scene happening behind him that he's witnessing, but no longer truly a part of. If he should be pleading with Tony to stay, he's honestly conflicted about whether or not there's a secret aspect of him that thinks it really would be for the best if Tony left.]

[They probably didn't, in all honesty. But Tony's mind had a way of getting ahead of itself, especially when he started perceiving himself as a burden or pitied. This isn't exactly new for him, in truth it's amazing he's lasted as long as he has without having a similar breakdown.

All it took was once or twice before is imagination blew it up into something huge. Besides, there's more going on here than just that, he just has no way of really properly expressing it.

Richard just receives a glum nod, as much as he'd like to run off on his own and disappear entirely there's a part of Tony that doesn't completely want to lose his family again. It's happened so many times before, and while he absolutely feels that he's being pushed out of Shepard's Haven and can't stay, that doesn't mean he won't let Richard stay with him.]

Hnph.

[Is all he can comment on the don't shout at L. For a time longer he watches him waiting for something, anything that might tell him he's wrong. But Lazarus doesn't speak, doesn't move, doesn't even look at him. To him, that tells him everything he needs to know.

You're no longer welcome here, devil boy.]

I'm leaving now.

[He lets himself fall back off the roof, a soft thump signalling he's landed on his feet below.]

I'll catch up with you somewhere, Richard. Not stickin' around here any longer.

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