"I know that!" It comes out sharply, before she can stop herself, and it hangs for a second. She takes a tiny step back afterward, muttering an apology. "S-sorry. I..." She feels so small right now, putting Lily through this, especially at a time like this where they need it least. "I'm trying. But after everything before, I just... we lost so much already. I don't want to lose anything else. Nobody else needs to get hurt, not when we've come so far already. I also-"

Isn't that at least part of the problem, considering how she was before? "I don't want to put myself in harm's way, either. I know better now. Even if it took much too long for me to get the message. But still... nothing will get better if we don't find a way." It's a problem she doesn't really know how to fix, but it's one she has to fix. Is this why books are so hard to actually make good?

"I'm trying, Lily. I don't want to worry you, and I don't want to let myself get hurt. But the realist in me knows that we get banged up every time something happens. I'm going to do my best to stay safe, and I'm going to try to rein myself in. I just... know how I get."