raisetheearth | [Video]

"Garth Brooks - The Thunder Rolls (With Lyrics And Pics)" (Watch on YouTube)

[He appears onscreen wearing a paramedic's uniform, identical to the one Lazarus got back from his memory echo. His surroundings are significantly less seedy than the motel he's reported from in the past; they actually look like they might be luxurious.]

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, it's fall, and that means it's a season for change. With so many people getting job offers and new and exciting opportunities, I've decided to access my generosity again and help you all out with your resumes. I'm just that nice.

Sometimes you just need a little help to figure out what your best and worst qualities are. So, let me help you out~

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Name: Lazarus Lawliet
Work Experience and Current Position:
1996-2007: Chess slave
2007-2009: Time off for "personal reasons"
2010-2012: Failed novelist
2013-2015: Coffee shop barista, coffee shop owner, boarding school hopeful
2016-present: Deadbeat farmer wannabe
Greatest Strengths: Making people feel kind of vicariously sick and sucking dick
Greatest Weaknesses: Being a few pills away from a psychotic rampage!! And uncle issues.
Preferred Method of Payment: Crack cocaine
Applicable/Marketable Skills: Scrubbing every surface within my line of sight at least 18 times, following arbitrary rules, and having fingers that bend at last
Goals for the Near Future: Making it to the end of the day without crying
Long-Term Goals: Being an effective and productive member of society
How You Lost Your Virginity: I haven't yet, I'm keeping it above the waist until marriage.
Ethical Quandary: You are a doctor and you have one donor heart and two people who desperately need transplants. One is a 5-year-old little girl, the other is a single father of 4 in his late forties. Who do you give the heart to and how did you reach this decision?: The heart goes to the little girl, without even a second's thought or consideration, because the children are the future.

Edited 2015-09-27 22:10 (UTC)

...case in point, please don't do this.

[She is going to regret this. She absolutely is.]

You know, there's a difference between being a virgin and not being a walking STD. I'm surprised anyone goes near you without a hazmat suit.

If you fill this out for me, I'll be the next person to break your nose.

Misa, what did I tell you?

I know, I know. Relax, I'm not taking it seriously.

Maybe, but... every time someone engages him it just throws fuel on the fire.

Fiiine, Misa will be good just for you.

[She winks to drive the point home. And maybe hopes the doppel is watching.]

Are... you trying to make him envious?

[Way to spoil it. Misa looks affronted at the suggestion.]

No! Forget about him, that was for you.

Oh.

Uh, thank you.

[This was a bad idea. She's just going to smile and attempt to save face now.]

Never mind. I'll see you tonight.

Right. OK. I'll... make sure there are clean sheets on the bed.

Name: Misa Amane
Work Experience and Current Position:
2010-2014: reporter
2015-present: Doggy style
Greatest Strengths: Withstanding the judgment akin to a heat of a thousand suns for my choice in men
Greatest Weaknesses: Not even realizing that my choice in men is questionable! I also wonder why the wind blows and how magnets work.
Preferred Method of Payment: Shallow compliments
Applicable/Marketable Skills: Being small enough to fit in a rollaway suitcase, low enough self-esteem to try anything three times, experience as a mail order bride
Goals for the Near Future: Getting knocked up
Long-Term Goals: Getting married and locking down a man
How You Lost Your Virginity: The biggest cucumber I could find at the Aldi store wrapped in cellophane
Ethical Quandary: You are a doctor and you have one donor heart and two people who desperately need transplants. One is a 5-year-old little girl, the other is a single father of 4 in his late forties. Who do you give the heart to and how did you reach this decision?: The single father of 4, because he's desperate enough to care what I think!

[A few minutes of RAGE pass before she responds with a sympathetic smile on her fine.]

I wonder what it's like being so unwanted you have to lie to get anyone's attention. Poor doppelganger. It's kind of funny you think my choice is questionable when you're just an inferior copy of him.

Arf, arf!

Hey, Lazarus! Call off your dog! She thinks she's people and she's telling me I'm inferior to someone who's going to crumble like a house of cards if he doesn't swallow his weight in pills every day!

You're not a person. You know that, right? You're a pile of feathers that somehow learned how to talk. When you finally die you won't leave anything worth remembering, and no one will care.

[His smirk remains in place but a muscle tightens in his jaw.]

I'm the child of a deity on this Earth. Not some accident of cells. My existence has a purpose and I never question it. I don't think that any of you can say the same.

[That actually makes her laugh, a ringing sweet giggle.]

You're a mistake thrown together from spare parts, not anyone's child. Enjoy it while you can.

My existence is deliberate. And if it was spare parts, wouldn't I have fewer working ones than the "original?"

Oh, so you do get it!

[She claps for him, beaming.]

If something is made for a purpose and it can't do it right, doesn't that make it trash?

I get it. Maybe better than you do. But I'm not the one who's broken or incomplete. I defended the Swan and now I'm free to do what I want and find my own purpose.

You did something useful?

[There are not words to describe the degree of disbelief in her voice.]

I protected the Swan, which protected your planet. Yes. You all kind of actually owe me.

I might believe that if everything out of your mouth wasn't a lie.

You don't remember this? All the doppelgangers went back to defend it. We were compelled.

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lovesickkiller - 2015-09-28 22:09 (UTC) - Expand

callmeryuzaki - 2015-09-28 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

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lovesickkiller - 2015-09-29 01:01 (UTC) - Expand

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