Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory [OPEN]

[solvethepuzzle]

Who: Nathan, and OPEN
Where: Shepherd's Haven
What: Nathan relives a really bad memory
When: September 22
Warnings: Possible mentions of suicide.


Even amidst all that is happening, at least a semblance of a normal life goes on. It has to. Nathan's day revolves more around tending the plants than the animals. It's soothing work, in its own way, if messier than what he'd been used to before the invasion. There is a predictable pattern to it all that he finds comforting.

He is already kneeling when the feeling hits him, fortunately. Like everything around him has suddenly changed. Instinctively, he curls inward, wishing to make himself smaller. This isn't right. Isn't right at all. What is he doing in this room that he knows is from another life?

Anyone who passes by will notice him hunched there, almost eerily still, except for his quiet speech, uncaring in tone . . . that seems to be directed at no one. Any attempt to shake him out of it will result in no reaction. And then a pause, for a couple of moments, a stricken look passing over his face. More quiet talking, but more subdued in nature this time.

And then suddenly he's back. Back in Shepherd's Haven, not in that room. That room where . . . where . . . No no no no no no . . .

He lets out a gasp, but it doesn't stop there. His eyes are wide, terrified. He's shaking, breathing hard, trying desperately to get himself under control. All in an open field where anyone could see him.


[[OOC: If anyone might be in position close enough to hear Nathan's end of this, the recurrence starts halfway through page 7 to the end of page 12. (Content warning for suicide.)]]

Comments

[oncedevil]

"How's it weird? We raise sheep out here you know." We, or at least, once he was the 'we'. Now Tony isn't so certain, though he knows it's entirely on his own head and no one else's. He's the one who can't be content, he's the one who cannot find peace or restfulness. It isn't anyone else's fault, nor anyone else's duty to fix but his own.

He just doesn't know how. But enough of those thoughts, he shoves them aside and flashes a smile that's a little lackluster and doesn't quite meet his eyes. There's a lot on his shoulders coming back here, and Jacob's a welcome distraction from all of that.

A few beats once they're inside, it looks like Nathan isn't going to try to direct them anywhere, so Tony just goes to help himself to the fridge. Got anything to snack on, Nate? He's hungry. "Yeah, last month when I was..." He pauses, the awkwardness could be cut with a knife here. "On my way out of town." He finishes, then goes back to rummaging.

Yeah that's a subject he doesn't really feel like touching on right now, oops.

[meteormercenary]

"Because sheep don't like each other. They just put up with each other because they're too lazy to do anything else. At least fog mingles with everything." And then Jacob turned a joke into a philosophical metaphor. Good job, Jacob.

He sees Tony's smile, and it makes him pause for a moment. Was something wrong? Jacob thought about asking, but something told him he shouldn't. Not for now, anyway. Maybe he'd text him on the Network later and see if he was okay.

Jacob muses at Nathan and his castle. It's incredible. He politely finds himself a seat and observes. This is like something out of A Beautiful Mind. How long has Nathan been working on it?

Jacob nods with Tony's answer. "Yea, he was helping me out when I was walking home one evening. It turned into coffee and conversation. Tony's a pretty good guy."

[solvethepuzzle]

You know Nathan and his social failings, right Tony? However, he takes no offense at Tony opening up the fridge; he is welcome to whatever is in there. It's fairly well-stocked, which can be taken multiple ways, actually. Yes, he has enough food to sustain him, but Nathan also tends to forget to eat more than once a day unless someone reminds him.

His hand stops halfway to putting a new block in place when Tony mentions when he and Jacob had met. Oh. Well, that is . . . They'll just not discuss that. The goal here is to reduce anxiety and that topic will probably do no such thing.

"Yes, he is." But that much he will say, because he still believes it even if Tony might not.

And he resumes building, each brick clicking softly into place. The repetitive sound and motion soothes him, calms his nerves. This particular project had been started last night. It is much further along than perhaps it should be, considering that. Nathan is a tad obsessive.

[oncedevil]

"What do you mean sheep don't like each other? They aren't that dumb," Admittedly, they are pretty dumb. But not that dumb. This conversation no longer makes sense he wants off the ride.

Tony will just content himself with scrounging around in the fridge, settling on an apple for now. He'll probably end up digging around in there again unless someone stops him.

"Pfeh," Is his only response to the assessment. It'd be rude to argue, but he can't agree either. So he'll just make non-committal noises. Finally he rejoins them, plopping down on the floor to stretch out his legs. He's dirty, doesn't want to get dirt all over Nathan's clean furniture.

[meteormercenary]

Jacob begs to differ. He's pretty sure sheep hate each other, like they're solitary animals forced into a flock. Has Tony never looked at the annoyed faces of a flock of sheep?

He looks at Tony as he sits on the floor. Weird place for anyone to sit; he actually gives a puzzled stare. Although, being in Nathan's house, it's already been quite a bit of a strange day for him.

"So, how did you two meet?"

Kind of an awkward question, but he thinks it better than just the awkward silence.

[solvethepuzzle]

Nathan won't stop him; he has little problem sharing his food so that someone else can be adequately sustained. In certain ways, Tony sort of needs it more than he does.

On the furniture or on the floor makes no real difference to Nathan. It's hardly as though he does not do a regular, thorough cleaning of his house. He may be less neurotic than Lazarus about that, but only marginally. No mess lasts very long here.

Click, click. Yet more bricks added while Nathan figures out just how to answer that question. Because yes, it is a bit awkward. Both the circumstances behind the meeting and especially the meeting itself. That it had turned out at all well in the end is almost miraculous.

"Through a mutual connection on the network," he says finally. An awkward answer for an awkward question. It kind of sounds too clinical, but this is probably the least strange way to say it.

It's better than saying that Lazarus arranged it because he had desperately wanted the two of them to be friends so he knew everyone would be okay if he died? Perhaps?

[oncedevil]

Wouldn't you be annoyed if you had to eat grass all day, then get randomly sheared by some weird ape creatures? You'd probably look annoyed too.

Keeping himself full has become a bit of a habit for Tony, a preventative measure for the good of everyone around him. He's teetering on a fairly constant precipice between normal behavior, and downright feral. It's really just a bandage over a larger problem, but it's the best he can do on the fly.

"Hnph," Is Tony's response to Nathan's answer. "Something like that." It really was probably the most awkward situation in the history of awkward. Honestly it's amazing they did end up friends despite it all. Lazarus trying too hard, Tony and his volatile temper and insecurities, Nathan and his own insecurities... It was a bad day.

He's just going to ignore any strange looks and continue lounging on the floor like this is perfectly normal. Crunch crunch, apples are tasty. Honestly Tony doesn't mind silence, but it's probably awkward for others yeah.

[meteormercenary]

Jacob observes Tony's... reaction to Nathan's answer and can't help but raise a questioning brow. However, he assumes there's a reason for the vague responses. He won't press for an answer if it's uncomfortable for either of them. He supposes what matters is that they did become such close friends.

"I see," he says, trying to think of something else to get a conversation going. He watches as Nathan clicks more bricks into place, almost mesmerized. It almost impresses him that two such different people could become such good friends. Opposites really do attract.

"So, anything... interesting, lately?" Aside from the incident in the field, that is.

[solvethepuzzle]

Nathan can guess at some of the reason for Tony's reaction. He doubts Tony has been in contact with Lazarus at all in weeks, and seeing as Lazarus is that mutual connection . . . well. Again, not something either of them is willing to bring up more explicitly.

He stops momentarily, regards the castle. That's the blue section done. Now onto the yellow.

"Echoes aside, my life is not terribly exciting."

Yes, he's . . . not very good at this whole casual conversation thing.

[oncedevil]

He hasn't. Nathan's the only one that knows Tony's even back in town, and he and Nux are the only two, aside from Jacob, that he's really spoken to since the fallout. Sure he briefly tried to talk to Lazarus but that went about as well as expected. Tony's busy being a volatile and angry teenager he doesn't have time for logic and reason. And he especially doesn't have time to do what everyone else wants him to.

Rebellious and all that jazz.

"Not a whole lot going on right now. Probably a bad sign, all things considered." Other than the weird echo thing that seems to be going around. The Network is lively enough with it, and it's suspicious but nothing they can really address themselves. Being Numbered is stupid: the novel. "What about you? Business doing alright?"

[meteormercenary]

"A bad sign? How's that?" Jacob is rather curious and mildly confused. Isn't no news good news? Or, something like that...

"It's doing well enough for the district I'm in. It's not quite as popular as I would like, but I've had a few customers that I hope are putting my name out there." People like Lazarus, or his girlfriend, and maybe even Nux, indirectly. But, those are minor details and it would be rude to disclose customer and potential customer names. And money's not particularly a problem. He just wants to help people be happy with his flower shop.