raisetheearth | Network, Voice

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yumoto hakone

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[Blaise isn't... entirely sure what to say. He feels a little nervous, which keeps him from showing his face. He takes a breath and puts his best foot forward.]

If anyone doesn't know already, my... relationship with Ryuzaki ended a little more than a week ago. For everyone that was worried about me, you guys who tried to talk me out of it... I'm sorry. You were right, and I wouldn't listen.

[His voice trembles a little as he struggles not to cry.]

I don't know what to say, or do, right now. If you're mad, I... I get it. [His voice goes more quiet for an instant.]...I kind of hope you won't be, but... [He speaks up again.] I... I don't know.... I feel really bad for not listening when I should have. Especially to Caesar and Misa. I messed up. I'm sorry.

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It's alright. It's not like the rest of us haven't been there.

Are you OK?

[Blaise stares a moment before answering. He's glad that Caesar isn't mad. It's like Lazarus said, after all.]

I'm trying to be. It sucks alot right now... I'm sorry. I know you tried to help first. You warned me he would just use me.

*It's really, really hard not to say 'I told you so'. The wounds are still fresh, and Cesar grimaces. This is no time to feel so petty.*

I did, and--he did. *Use Blaise, that is. It doesn't take the full scoop to know the gist of what happened. He knows Ryuzaki, and that's more than enough.*

I'm sorry you had to learn it this way.

Yea... Well, it's my fault.

[Blaise, admittedly feels like an idiot. Despite that Lazarus had said that his value was no less than before he started dating Ryuzaki, he's finding it really difficult to not feel lower than dirt.]

I just... Really wanted someone to be attracted to me for once. [Y'know, instead of being on the wrong end of the stick with one-sided love.]

*...*

You were duped. That's not your fault.

I'm sorry.

*It feels woefully inadequate to just leave it at this. Cesar was someone who should've protected him better. He knew how bad Ryuzaki could get, but he simply let it all happen. Is he really just going to walk away now?**

Do you want to talk about it?

*... Great, now he feels guilty and inept. Would that help in the first place? Is that something that makes people feel better, two exes sharing a drink over the their mutually screwed up state? He can't actually imagine that it would, but it's too late now.*

[Blaise bites the inside of his cheek. He has mixed feelings with Cesar saying it's not his fault. If he only would have listened. He thinks really hard on the offer. It would be nice to have someone else to talk to, and really listen to Cesar for once. He remembers somewhere that Ryuzaki and Cesar were a thing.]

If you don't mind... Yea, I'd like to.

It's... it's not much, but, let me try to make it up to you? For not listening. Lunch on me?

Edited 2015-10-28 08:46 (UTC)

*He nods to himself, unsurprised.*

Sure. Have you ever been to Rana's Diner?

*It's the type of friendly place that Ryuzaki would be unlikely to ever enjoy, so he's hoping it'll be a clean-ish slate.*

Edited 2015-10-28 21:03 (UTC)

Yea, I took a friend there once. I like the food there. See you there in a bit, then?

[...]

And... Thank you. I really appreciate this.

I'll be there in probably 20 mins.

It's not a problem. It feels like the least I can do.

----

*The diner is a comfortably mismatched affair, like a quirky coffee shop that overgrew its usual boundaries and decided to run with it. The wall decorations are lovingly improvised, the smell of soups and sandwiches are the strongest thing around, and no chair at any table is the same.*

*He's hoping it'll set Blaise at ease. His own preferences lean towards places that are a little more docile, but the food is good, and the environment should be soothing with its distractions. Cesar stands just inside the door, looking around: has he arrived yet? If not, he'll sit down and wait.*

Blaise glances at the time on his phone as he runs down the street. He's running unexpectedly late and he's giving all of his effort to run to the diner. He had a holdup with his family when he said he was heading out. Their concern with his recent depression lead them to sit him down and see if they could find out what was wrong. It took some effort, but he managed to shake them off with a promise to tell them later - he had somewhere to be.

He bolts through the door to the restaurant, attracting attention as he tries to keep the door from slamming into the wall. He pants hard as he looks around, looking for Cesar. When he sees him, he gives an embarrassed smile.

"S-sorry I'm late." He tries to straighten himself out and pulls down on his shirt.

There's a bit of scrambling in the door's direction, and Cesar looks up from his coffee in mid-sip. Oh--Blaise' entrance looked like it was probably more exciting than he'd intended. Other patrons in the diner have looked up in surprise, but already they're looking away again, seeing the young man's rush and finding it boring.

Cesar doesn't look away, obviously, and instead grins back, waving dismissively. He lifts his coffee cup and his own cellphone, which he's left open to a wall of very fine text: he wasn't bored, so Blaise shouldn't worry.

The chair opposite him gets nudged out in a nonverbal invitation to sit. A lot of his end of this evening is probably going to consist of charades and abbreviated notes, but that's alright; he's had practice, and this is about letting Blaise talk, not necessarily himself.

Blaise accepts the seat happily; his legs could use a rest after that sprint. If nothing else, the exercise picked up his mood a bit. He requests a cola when the server comes to see what he'd like to drink. He pays little attention to the menu for the moment.

"So, how are you?"

The first thing Cesar might notice about Blaise's tone is that it's definitely not as perky as it used to be, and the mile-a-minute enthusiastic nonsense he used to chatter off is gone.

He notices the difference right away, at least in part because he's looking for it. Are they just signs of Blaise's recent upset, or hints of a greater change? It's impossible to tell with so little to go on, and he focuses on the question at hand.

'Good enough' he tries to convey by way of expression. He lifts his hands (now empty), shrugging and tilting his head from side to side. Then he points at his coffee and nods solemnly, before taking a longer sip of it. He's been having a lot of this, and for a lot of reasons.

Then he points at Blaise, lifting his eyebrows slightly. It's still early enough in the conversation that he could expect a superficial answer, maybe it'll start the conversation in his direction. That's what he should be doing, right? Tearing into this?

Blaise observes for a moment, taking a few minutes to understand Cesar's body language. It could almost be considered comical, watching Cesar's movements. Maybe that's what makes it so easy for Blaise to understand it without needing clarification.

"Why so much coffee?" It strikes him rather curious. Is he researching something important? Is he worried about something?

"I'm... well, not up for pretending. I feel pretty bad. Ryuzaki said some pretty horrible things when he broke up with me." He feels a bit of an ache, and it shows in his features. "Lazarus said he's a liar. But it doesn't... make what happened any easier."

The question draws a visible pause from him while he tries to think of a way to answer. There isn't any easy way to convey staying up late at work, and after a few seconds he gives up, shrugging and shaking his head.

They move on to other topics--namely the one they're here for. The pain and loss are still visible on the young man's face, and Cesar frowns deeply.

It's enough that he finally makes a 'just a minute' motion with one hand, producing a cellphone with the other. It has a wide screen, and it's enough to show a written message when he types it out with practiced speed.

'I know. For what it's worth, Ryuzaki is very good at finding weaknesses. He probably said things because he knew they would hurt you, not because they were true.'

Blaise curiously watches Cesar type after he's given the sign to pause. It fascinates him how he can type so quickly. He guesses practice makes perfect. After reading what is presented to him, a grim look crosses his face.

"Well, I could shrug off most of what he said.... most of it... I d-don't think I'm boring. I'm certainly not... stupid... But... One thing he said... I-it really bothers me..." He takes a moment to try and steady his breath and he lowers his head, speaking downward. "He said... I-I was unlovable..." He bites back his tears as he tries to continue. "He'd been the only one... No... He was ly...lying, so... that means no one has ever liked me..."

For a moment, Cesar is surprised at Ryuzaki's cruelty, and at how willing he was to crush someone so innocent. Had he always been this way?

Yes, Cesar realizes, he has. Cesar was close enough that he never saw the man sitting forlornly at his own kitchen table, grimacing at the smell of bacon and hiding from his own idle misery, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know him. Just because he couldn't see his own pain like an outsider doesn't mean he didn't feel it.

Still. Even with this familiarity something smolders in Cesar's chest at this latest discovery, and he reaches forward across the table as though to grasp a hand that isn't there.

He catches Blaise's gaze, holding it. He can't convey things through tone and however many words he needs, but maybe a solemn, word-filled look will. Blaise never deserved any of this. He shouldn't be walking out of Ryuzaki's disasters feeling so worthless.

Cesar breaks the look to bring his cellphone up, typing quickly.

'I think Ryuzaki literally doesn't know the meaning of the word. He's an asshole. Don't listen to him, you're not everything he said. You'll be fine. Trust me.'

Cesar turns the cellphone around and tries to pry understanding out of Blaise with his eyes.

Edited 2015-11-05 05:49 (UTC)

Blaise stares back. For a moment, it feels weird for him, and he wonders if he should look away. Just as he's about to, Cesar starts typing again. It isn't long at all before there's another message facing him, along with Cesar's heartfelt expression. It does make him feel a little better, because it's coming from someone else who dated Ryuzaki, someone else who actually can understand on some level what Blaise is feeling.

Still, though, he can't help but wonder...

"Uhm... H-how did you get over... Ryuzaki...?" he asks, hoping a little for some insight. "I-it's okay if you don't want... to tell me..."

He breaks the gaze on his own this time, unable to hold it. How did he get over him? Cesar remembers thinking of him when he and Lazarus kissed again for the first time afterwards. He remembers how frequently Ryuzaki popped into his mind after that, unwanted and impossible to disperse. He remembers him leaning in close to speak while deafening nightclub music rattled their bones, and how even then he'd still been caught like a charmed snake.

They aren't pleasant memories. He feels like a mouse trapped in tar.

As his answer, he lifts his coffee mug and points at it, lifting his eyebrows. Then he types out, 'Lots of work. Late nights. Keep busy. Don't think about him if you don't have to.'

It's not the greatest advice, but it's what he's got.

As Blaise reads the answers, his expression becomes a little distressed. Most of the things he did before he met Ryuzaki were now places that he had been... and done.... things with Ryuzaki. He wanted to show the boy his whole world... It's a bitter sting in his heart. What on Earth could he possibly do to push Ryuzaki from his mind now?

"Uhm... wh-what sort of work do... you do...?" he asks in an effort to fight back any tears that might be welling up in his eyes.

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