[Lazarus' fingers tighten around the pen in his hand. He notices, setting it aside, but his hand is no less tense. He's trying to channel his frustration and feelings of helplessness anywhere but Nathan, and might have more success if he was in a better state of body and mind. But even though he's never contested Nathan's intelligence or judgment on other matters, this is the matter of him and the avalanche of trouble waiting to crush him like a bug.

He takes a deep, calming breath that doesn't do much to soothe the tight knot in his chest.]

Nathan... please, I know you're trying to help and I appreciate that. I do.

[Honestly, truly.]

I'm not saying that our Others have our lives set in stone, because I don't want that, but... Near outlived L. It only stands to reason that you'll outlive me. I've made my peace with that, and you need to do the same, because I'm prepared to make the decision that keeps you safe whatever the cost is. Even if you disagree, it's the right decision in every scenario I've imagined since Willow Ridge was collapsing. If I slack off now I might have to make that decision sooner than either of us want.

[He picks up his pen again, rubbing at one of his eyes until his vision clears and ceases to blur. The message, though he certainly didn't mean to send it, is this decision is mine; you're a part of it, but you have no agency regarding it.]